Good evening to whomever may be reading this. Oh Wednesday evening. Everyone’s out and about. Enjoying the night life. Relaxing after a hard days work. Spending time with loved one. I however am sitting in my home, writing (what else is bloody new..), and cursing this poison ivy that irritates me endlessly. It is what it is though, I’d rather be sitting in my own room in mild discomfort than be out to be honest. Not only that, I’m pretty exhausted. It’s been a long day without a doubt. The topic I am about to write has been bugging me for a while now. It is a personal issue that I honestly deal with on a day to day basis (and have for many years now, as I’m sure many of us do).
What it boils down to, is the fact that I am not nearly as independent as I may appear. That is not to say that I depend on any individual in particular (I am a rather actually very independent in that aspect, and generally don’t rely on others), however what I seem to be dependent on (as we Human Beings naturally are), is simply the Rush. The “High”. The “Adrenaline” burst. The Energy. The Euphoric. The Unknown. Really what i’m doing is simply chasing life as fast as I possibly can. This is both positive and negative (on all aspects of my being; mental, physical and spiritual). I’m an extremist in every aspect. Which makes me independent from other individuals (to an extent, I still live in my parents home and eat their food so I can’t take all the credit) however it also makes me dependent on some habits that I’ve picked up over the years, which are both positive and negative. Whenever I get into something, I get absorbed by it in the sense that it affects my social life and position in the illusion we call reality. This can be research, music, writing, vices, physical activities. They all seem to absorb me into a different place. One of my own. At times I could be surrounded by a bunch of great friends, yet completely engulfed within my mind, my thoughts (this can of course be viewed as my own Ego getting the better of my Self). I’m dependent upon my mind when I cannot relate to other people, so I simply block them out mentally and curl up within my mental “turtle shell”.
Although this has allowed me to grow as an individual at an exponential rate. It has also damaged my social relationships as well as my mental and physical thoughts. I remember when I use to think of myself as a “Unique Other” who could not relate to any other Human Beings no matter how hard I attempted. They would never understand me or my mind, so why should I even bother? Well it turned out ultimately that I was addicted to my own my mind. To my own Ego. I had forgotten who I was, and spent every minute anxiously debating who I thought I was “supposed” to be. I never allowed myself to get to know my friends. I preferred to drown out all external noises with vices and simply tune it within. Yet not within. I didn’t feel free. I simply allowed my ego to mentally lock me away and throw away the key on a weekly basis.
These days I no longer feel the same as I used to. I’m having better relationships with ever single Human Being I encounter. I can relate to people emotionally and socialize with them in an open yet friendly manner. I experienced an “Ego death” personally through my work with Ayahuasca roughly a month ago, which allowed me to free myself from my mental bonds at an incredibly rapid pace. Generally this can take individuals lengthy and strenuous periods of time. However once you finally allow yourself to let go of you’re “baggage” of your individual aspects, then you’ll truly be Independent, rather than Dependent on all the various aspects of you’re own personal “lifestyle” (this includes vices and activities of all kinds that hold you back, rather than energize and project you forward towards the lifestyle you’ve always longed and dreamed for). Not only will you be more clear minded and in the “present” (which is ultimately the only time frame any of us are ever truly in, unless some of you invented a legitimate time machine, if so contact me as I’d love to venture throughout infinite space), you’ll be able to see each individual for how they truly are as a whole (you’ll be able to identify mentally with them as the same one “Being”, simply in a different “state” or way of life. After all we are all individuals ultimately and no Human Being will ever be the same, yet together we make a “whole”, which is ultimately the Human Race on planet Earth.
I broke free from my past and Ego, now I must chase my dreams in this endless world. There’s nothing holding any single one of us back other than ourselves. We become dependent upon our Egos, and then inevitably on other Human Beings, whose energy we then feed off of in order to fuel our own, as we are incapable of living out the life that we should be pursuing. Once we become Independent Conscious Beings, then we are capable of seeing our life for it it truly is; We separate our gifts in this reality (which is our mind and physical manifestation. They are the two most powerful tools we as Conscious Beings possess) from who we truly are as Eternally Intelligent Beings within the Universe.
Being Independent means you provide for your Being in every single aspect (Mental, Physical, Spiritual), and it’s truly what we all strive for. Don’t get me wrong, as I’ve said, I sure as hell am not completely Independent. I do rely on friends and family, however I always repay what is owed and give back whenever I possibly can. I also do rely on some physical vices just to feel as if I’m still alive at times. I think that’s why many people do indulge ultimately. Because they feel so lost or simply overwhelmed with their place in the Universe that they can’t fathom what they could possibly do with themselves to fill the void, then is when they become dependent on external factors or Entertainment of all kinds in this modern world.
Hopefully we can all learn to become independent truly for ourselves, yet dependent on one another as a whole (we take care of one another and give back whenever we can.This would also imply that we being to take care of the planet that has taken care of us for so long.
Thank you all so much for reading yet another one of my rants (if you happened to make it all the way through). I hope you have a great evening and remember that you’re a great fucking person and no one should tell you otherwise. Love yourself, others and you’re surroundings always.
Comment below with any questions or feel free to private message me in the tab on the upper right corner. I’m trying to expand the blog so please feel free to share it with you’re friends and family.
Peace and love,