I can’t win. Whenever we pass through the veil. I simply end up on the opposite end of the spectrum in which I manifest within my daily reality. The realms I inhabit on a subconscious level are strange and rarely friendly. They attack me where I am the weakest, in the realms where I am least in control. It’s always the same. I try to assist, and in turn I end up deceased. I try to bring love and it in turn generates hate. They follow me on all astral planes. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to drain me of what I possess. I keep my wits about me and try to bathe in light, only to emerge floating through an ebony sea. Cascaded through torment and hatred. In such a loving manner. Maybe it’s all the same. However it seems to be the single bane that I possess. Unconsciously drifting through the netherworld, I seem to manifest. It. Every time. There are many of us. We deny ourselves lust. In turn we fade to dust. Those whom we believed we were able to trust, treat us a target practice, an anvil smashing a marble bust. Why is it that they haunt me. I truly do not know. I wish the crow that stalks would trade places with the manifestation, I would swiftly release myself like an arrow from the bow. Alas I hold my ground. In vain. I shall abstain from the drudgery, knowing what lies before me. Knowing that this is my task. Eternal. Only once I hold my own ground, will the test whisper into my ear, “at last, you’ve passed”. I wandered through an endless hall. The clock turns backwards one moment, then forwards, before warping into the wall behind it. It bursts through the floor afterwards. Repeating the same action. It travels wherever it wills. “What time is it?” It seems to sneer at me, each time that it appears. I do not know, nor do I care. The time is now. As always, there is a purpose to this abstract scenery. There is something that I must face, something I must truly acknowledge, before I find peace. When will I find peace, I do not know.
The hall continues outwards and inwards. When will it end. A light appears. The colors of the prism burst through into visualization. No longer am I in the hall. I am carried upwards. My entire Being vibrating from the energy bursting through my essence. I am set alight. The flesh begins to fall freely from my bones. I’d scream, but there is no pain. Only the realization that I no longer require the vessel. As my body turns to ashes, my consciousness fades into eternity. I awaken in an a decrepit room. It’s black and white. there is no furniture save a battered chandelier that hangs to the floor in the center of the room, it gathers dust. Just as everything within this area of space and time. I am not alone. Across from me a Being sits huddled. She is weeping. Nude, yet black ink provides clothing for her vessel. Symbols and Sanskrit of a language I have never encountered before decorates her vessel. I want to soothe her. If only to soothe myself in this situation. I make a move towards her. She immediately lifts her head in glee. The sobbing stops. She is vibrating with love and joy. “You came back for me..” She whispers and she suddenly manifests behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. This is not my domain. It can’t be. Yet it is, or else this wouldn’t be occurring within my own dimension. I feel powerless. I can’t utter word. The prey of the black widow after the poison has paralyzed it’s very essence, slowly I feel my life force draining. “Don’t worry, it’s just for the time being..” she licks my neck and I shiver. I try to pull away, yet I can’t. I accept her. She is that she is. I am that I am. Even in the darkest of nights, a light shall guide the way. I close my eyes.
I find my Self standing on a podium. There is barely enough room for me to stand. It’s travelling throughout the multiverse. A single cell is all I am, outwards towards my destination is where I travel. There is a star in front of me. It’s being pulled towards the same destination as my Self. We good towards the great attractor, the dark whirlpool that is tearing apart this fragment of the whole so that it may bring about change, a new fragment. You must give in order to receive. We gladly give, so that we may transition into this new segment of Eternity. Closer and closer. The prism appears, and the full spectrum of the rainbow embraces my very Being. I was ashes. Now I am whole. Birthed into a new paradigm of consciousness eternally. We embrace this new chapter.
I awaken in a foreign land. One where I’ve always been. One where I’ve always belonged. At last, we’ve attained balance.