Emerging from a strange dream.

Good day to you all and as always, thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to acknowledge my work. Today is April 30th, the last time I wrote an article was March 30th. To say the least this month has greatly tested both my patience and willpower. To be blunt, I’ve been overwhelmed both mentally and physically (I injured my foot rather badly half way through the month, a hairline fracture I believe. Which has forced me to limp to my destination whenever I leave my apartment). I’ve been so drained mentally that I found myself more times than I can count through my period of absence sitting down and beginning to write an article, only to falter moments later and curse myself for not being able to create a single article. Ultimately I am coming to grips with my current situation and doing my best to reach equilibrium once more. It will take some time for me to ground myself once more, but I will work diligently upon this task.

It’s really almost as if I’ve been in a trance to be honest. My mind is murky. My thoughts, unclear. My compass points in the wrong direction. I’ve felt as if I have reached the end of my energy supply, it’s been dispersed into the four corners of the world. Why is that exactly? After all, just a short while ago I was striving to the best version I could possibly be of myself. Suddenly in the span of a week, I had sprouted horns. Allowing the darker half of my Being to completely manifest in this reality. Vices of my past reintroduced themselves ferociously. I grew more distant from those that I love and associate myself with. I put off deadlines and refused to take action of matters that were rather immediate. For the past few days, I have been slowly but surely working through the pile of necessities that had stacked up throughout the time in which I slipped up. I’ve gotten through most that is immediately required of me, however right now I once more find myself in front of the same screen in which I have slaved upon for ever so long. I pray that I will complete the task of transmitting my current thought patterns onto the internet but who knows in this day and age. Alas, the time has come and I’m certain you lovely individuals didn’t click upon this article to listen to me ranting about my own falters. Shall we begin?

Whenever we falter in life there are only two options for us as Human Beings may commit to once we acknowledge our own fallacies; the first is of course to simply forget about our troubles for the time being, to put aside the fact that we are not continuing our own personal growth and on the contrary we are becoming the main obstacle unto ourselves. When this occurs we typically revert back to the tribulations that have been causing us grief to begin with and the vicious continues as it was. On the contrary, we may have had enough of getting in our own way, if this is the case then we simply look to the root causes that initially led us astray. Once we discover that which is causing us so much grief, we can either decide to break away from the patterns and once more allow ourselves to thrive as we were meant to. The simple matter of the fact is that none of us are perfect. Every man and woman has their own vices and they differ radically from each individual. Some of us struggle with dependence upon mind altering substances, craving the alteration and distortion of this reality that can be ever so mundane. Others are addicted to emotions, not just of themselves but of others as well, they constantly drain and allow themselves to be drained so that they can “feel” the rush of both winning and losing the emotional conflicts. Still others crave the physical interaction, whether it be through sport, exercise or intercourse, these actions begin to become something the individual craves and doesn’t feel whole without. Of course there are both positive and negative addictions, but both are nonetheless addictions, and the individual immersed in the latter seeks the release each actions evokes as well as the sense of self-identity they derive from taking part in these activities.

Of course, whenever we falter in life it typically has to do with either trauma that has just occurred or a trigger that resurfaces pain from the past, lack of self-confidence (no longer believing you are capable of accomplishing that which you are engaged in) or of course the re-emergence of negative vices from your past that have come back with a vengeance. Once we are immersed in the cycles of negative thinking and habits, it can be incredibly difficult to bounce back (trust me, I know this all too well…). I suppose that’s why this article is taking form to begin with, to remind not only you but myself as well that we are ever so susceptible to falling back into our old forms, and that once these forms take root, they are difficult to rid ourselves of. So then, how exactly do we get back to the beginning once we’ve reach our end (metaphorically of course). I believe the answer to that is simply we need to personally acknowledge that we can no longer continue down the path that  we have recently set upon, as it will simply lead to more and more self-destruction that will require repair later on. The only salvation we have is ultimately ourselves, just as we are our own doom. Of course this comes from a very specific perspective, as many would argue without a doubt that other Human Beings can most definitely be the salvation of a single individual, and as social animals I would have to agree to an extent, as I myself have been assisted countless times by beautiful Beings who saw nothing but the best in me, however we also have to be willing to accept the help of other individuals, therefore although we have taken the assistance of others, it was us set aside our pride so that we may once more get back on our feet. Of course it can also be argued that other individuals can be our downfall as well, and this too, is true to an extent. The matter of the fact however is that although there are toxic people out there who simply wish to take advantage of you to better their own situation, typically it takes two to tango. This simply means that initially we engaged the individual who is not beneficial to us in a relationship (be is social or romantic) just as they did to us. This means that it is also up to us to terminate the relationship that we initiated when the time comes, otherwise it will simply drain you and you’ll be the worse for it. 

Ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves. If we truly wish to attain greatness then we have every opportunity to do so, as long as we are willing to put in the work to achieve that which we dream. On the other hand we are also the enemy that constantly complicates and overextends the host, and if we are unconscious of our actions and interactions as we go about our daily life, then we will never be capable of manifesting the life that we truly yearn for. It is our decision and our decision alone to alone ourselves to thrive and obtain peace or falter and derive solely negativity from our own personal existence. 

If you are reading this and found yourself resonating with some of the words, then you may in fact be searching for change in your life. You may be unsatisfied with the way your life has been going recently and yearning for positive change as soon as possible. If you find yourself acknowledging these words and being upset with yourself over wasted time then worry not, as you are most certainly not alone. Many Humans in this day and age feel the same as you, and know that their life is worth so much more than their past experiences and unfulfilling present life, and are going out in pursuit of their dreams. The choice is up to the individual ultimately, as although the collective may feel the same way, it is up to oneself to truly disembark from the reality that no longer positively serves them and to ascend to a new life that will provide that which the individual has been seeking for ever so long. It’s never too late to turn the tides ladies and gentlemen and as long as you are willing to serve yourself and those around you in a fulfilling and positive manner, then everything else shall be provided for in due time. 

I truly do apologize for the absence of my articles. It’s been a very difficult month for me personally, and some huge changes are required in my life so that I may once again operate on a smooth and consistent level, but everything takes time and the blog will be back to frequency and quality of articles by the end of May without a doubt. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed the article and we’ll see you very soon.

Sending you Love through Light,

Fragmented Illusions (Brandon)

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