Complexity is essentially the natural state of Humanity. Although it is true that we are chaotically imbued, intertwined with both the positive and the negative, the hatred and the love, the truth and the deceit, it is still possible for us to find balance within the eternal continuum, in other words, to simply awaken each day fully conscious of our full potential. No longer concerned with the petty symptoms that plague each and every one of us on a daily basis to the point of complete and utter numbness. You don’t need to be chasing down the thrill of snorting chemicals off a debit card or inhaling burning plant matter in order to be classified as an addict. In fact we are all addicted to something in particular or another. There’s no point attempting to point out even a few of these habitual rituals that we adapt to our daily lifestyle, because as individuals of free will they come in all shapes and colours, emotions and actions, both positive and negative. Alas, that is the state of us eternally is it not? The state of perpetual duality; where both the righteous and evil struggle to claim victory yet but are eternal and no matter the outcome, the script of the Universe is infinite. So no matter where any of us may lie within this moment in time, comatose in the sublime, whatever you find is all you will have ever found.
I found myself staring at a blank computer screen laying by the edge of my bed. With discontent in my heart, I gave life to the machine as it began to gleam and returned to where it had previously been. Music began to flow through the air, riveting through my very essence. When you haven’t listen to a particular set of songs in a very long time, they grasp you very deeply within a matter of moments. No longer could I recall how long it had been since I had laid eyes upon the domain from whence my voice came. It was truly breathtaking. Yet at the same time incredibly frightening, rather uncomfortable. As if I had suddenly filled the shoes of another. I acknowledged the fact that I was no longer the man who I once was. Fate had molded me, as it does us all; down the path we continue to follow with endless twists and turns in which we alone through free will decide which to follow. It isn’t easy and it never will be, claiming that you have finally grasped your destiny, for even the greatest they sit in silence and weep, over what has passed and what could have come to be. The moment is now as it ever should be. Maybe you are one to believe in destiny but if not, if you believe that concept to be a fallacy, then know within that you are all which you possess and that’s the only truth you’ll see. A single fragment of the collective consciousness bound to a vessel, uniquely fit to pursue its own purpose, whatever that may be, whatever it is that you claim be, is nothing more than the veil over your mind halting the progress through space-time and eternity. By that I simply mean that if you allow yourself to be egotistically intertwined throughout this physical reality, then you too shall awaken on the other side disappointed infinitely. What do I possess within, what wisdom could we have preached if we had not only destroyed that which created the cellular cycle hardwired within both you and me.
I began to grow cold even though my room was warm. Outside sirens were blaring. Vehicles carrying tired pedestrians roared by the street overlooking the window of my apartment’s bedroom. For quite some time I had watched the various archetypes of this dark part of the city go about their daily routine. I lit a cigarette as a clearly distraught woman walked by her window, visibly ranting and shouting at her friend, whom I happened to be incapable of seeing at the time. I had returned from the pub a short while earlier. It was the same night. It was always the same night in this cell. I’m not referring to a location, rather my own vessel at this moment in time and the earthly bonds that it happens to be chained to momentarily. Inhale and exhale. I didn’t think I’d find myself puffing noxious fumes after I had previously worked so very hard to kick the habit, however different circumstances tended to warp individuals, so I assume you could say at that moment in time I was fulfilling the role of a young passionate man who was living in the moment, not worried for the future, the matter of the fact was that at this particular moment in time this man was feeling very uncertain of himself consciously, which was why a cloud of tobacco filled his room. This was very out of character for this particular individual who always seemed to have it “all figured out” in his head. Right now there was nothing more than white noise. Thousands of choices that would push his life forward into a new direction blurred through his mind in a chaotic fuzz. Who knows which fold will be played, which hand shall be dealt. It mattered not as at this moment in time he was conscious that he was incapable of consciously deciding his own fate. He waited. Ebony consumed the surroundings that engulfed his persona. Horror penetrated the vast darkness that lay before him. This was who he was deep down. Even though the beautiful notes strung out across the vibrations and loving light and friends filled his room for the time being, he was ever so alone. She whispered into his ear that he would be alright. For a short while he believed her before the inferno personified on the horizon and a black sun sucked out the light of the eternal horizon. The single wavelength of the epiphany jolted through me without warning, and left me petrified. The light still filled the room, a few of my friends were by my side asking what had just occurred, I was shaking and sweating profusely. I reassured them that I was fine but suddenly felt rather ill. One by one they filed out and into the dark streets. Hoping to be preyed upon by whatever vices filled that filled the cracks in our mind that very night. I dimmed the room and sets flames to a bush in hopes of inciting a prophetic vision that would at least provide some entertainment if not whatever I seemed to be missing deep down in my consciousness. A purple twilight began to give birth to the crimson sun, as daybreak came I closed my eyes.
I awoke to the usual retinue of sounds that accompanied the early morning of the bustling metropolis that I currently called home. Click. The events of the past had brought me to this very moment in time, my actions and decisions molding my current situation as I deemed fit. Through the entire spectrum of emotion and actions that I had experienced, both positive and negative, I finally realized that I was proud of the man who I had become and the man that I would someday be. It’s important to acknowledge your own potential; this means examining both the positive and negative events of your past and letting go of that which truly no longer defines you. I’m only Human, I sure as hell have a ton to work on. Vices, emotional outbreaks, negatives thoughts occur on a daily basis in my person realm, however ultimately it is I (and you) who is responsible for either fitting or shaping the mold as deemed fit.
For the first time in a long while, birds began to sing.
As always my friends, thank you for taking the time to read through the article. It’s been a while.
Sending you Love through Light,
Fragmented Illusions (Brandon)