Losing ourselves is seemingly one of the primary objectives of Humanity. Consciously and unconsciously, we happen to find ourselves enjoying the seemingly endless path deep into nothingness. Nothingness and everything are twin souls whose pursuit is to once more be whole once again. Once you have nothing in this life, you seemingly want everything, or rather you acknowledge that you already possess that which you’ve always wanted to begin with. Once you seemingly possess everything that you have sacrificed in order to attain, you realize that you no longer wish to have that which is in front of you, as it was nothing all along. Alas losing ourselves in order to find ourselves is seemingly that endless circle that we find ourselves in throughout our Human experience.
Ultimately the simple matter of the fact is that as Beings of Duality, there’s little chance in this lifetime of a single ascent into greatness that lasts permanently. Before that final ascent, we descend and ascend this pinnacle of life countless times, even upon the final ascension, you must eventually descend into the ground, only to begin the cycle anew, or if you prefer, stare into the eternal blackness of the infinite as you were nothing more than a biological information processing device after all. In my opinion however, that’s a little boring however. I suppose the time as always is now, shall we begin?
Every single time I believe myself to be in control and capable of manifesting that which is within me with ease I seem to trip over myself. Once I begin to fall, I seemingly spiral into an ebony pit of chaos and destructive repetition until I begin to no longer know myself anymore. My entire castle of sand has seemingly blown away right in front of me, only to be replaced by a dark and obscure cavern. Without hesitation and due to my rather curious nature (only Human after all), I embark on an exploration of this mysterious and new environment with the unconscious motive of losing myself within. Once lost, I can only once more be found. As interesting as the darkness has been, the light appearing upon the upper crevices begin to once more entice me into ascending the cavern, after all, now I happen to be curious of what the new-found light may hold for me. As I ascend. I pick up the pieces of myself that I happened to discard along the cavern. Many fragments of my whole half; That which I love had to be removed in order to make room for that which I hate. My passions had to be tucked neatly behind a crevice, so that I may bear the weight of my vices. My dreams had to be dashed on a stone so that I may burden my limitations. I pick up each fragment of my forgotten soul, my forgotten half. With tears in my eyes, memories of each past moment that I had positively embraced soar across the vast imagination within my internal cavern and into my heart. Sparks begin to revitalize parts of me that I had long locked away. Digging deep within that cavern was long and exhausting work after all, it required only that I continue relentlessly and unconsciously. Soothing the pain was easy when you numbed yourself to it after all. Now, feeling a certain presence within me, I push forward throughout the mouth of the cavern, into the light. I’ve left behind the light in order to engulf myself in the darkness, only to once again embrace the light once more. This time however, I keep pieces of my visit to the netherworld close by, simply due to the fact that they are most certainly a part of me and without them, I am that which I am not. Within the light, I can see my hearts desires once more; at once I set to work upon building my “sand castle” (pursuit of passions, love and responsibilities) once again, this time building a much more refined and stalwart version than it’s predecessor, hoping that it will last for an eternity yet knowing deep down that it shall be turned to dust in the wind just as easily as the latter, simply due to the fact that it was meant to.
Ultimately losing yourself is the only way to find yourself in a better place, ultimately where you were meant to be all along. The trials and tribulations of the darkness prepared you for the next step in your Human experience. You lost that part of yourself that you held to such a high esteem; maybe you lost your dream job due to uncontrollable circumstances. The perfect relationship disintegrated without so much as a warning. You weren’t accepted into the university that you slaved towards. A loved one passes away, and you never were able to foreclose the preceding circumstances. These examples of descent from the pinnacle of light into the caverns of night ultimately represent (although many deem it as punishment) nothing more than the chance for transformation. A possibility to bring yourself into even further alignment with who you are as a Human Being, your highest self shall we say, and by that we simply refer to who you are as a Human Being, past the limitations, fears, wants, worries. This possibility is only brought about if you allow yourself to acknowledge the descent as the possibility that I ultimately is. Upon the following ascension, you will have fortified your essence to not only ensure that you prosper more greatly upon your coming journey into the light, you will also find solitude in yourself once you begin to embark deep down within once more.
The simple matter of the fact is that if we allow ourselves to withdraw into ourselves as the victim lost within the dark recesses of their own mind when our lives take an unexpected plunge into the deep caverns of our experience, then we shall learn nothing of our own darkness and may in fact lose ourselves in that darkness entirely. The darkest night is comparable to the brightest day; both infinite and immeasurable, constantly cycling between the two halves, expanding and contracting eternally.
As always my brothers and sisters, thank you for taking the time out of your day to acknowledge this message. I pray that you’ve all been well, wherever you may be. If you have anything you would like to discuss then please, do not hesitate to message me, FragmentedIllusions@hotmail.com.
Sending you Love through Light,
Fragmented Illusions (Brandon)