Fati

Recently, shadows of my personal past have crept upon me, seeking to shatter my heart of glass. In contrast, I accept them, I feel them and invite them into my own spiritual Inn. Where my true self, resides sitting on an ebony wolf rug in front of a blazing crimson flame, I slyly grin. 

“Welcome, my true companions, it is good to see that you have not forgotten me ever so hastily”.

These plights of mine or rather the challenges that confront me emotionally return the warmth, gently reminding me that they were here all along. Hibernating for a while, growing more and more powerful, believing their gathered strength would at last break through my heart’s shield to at last cause me great harm.

“It has been some time, has it not? Last I remember you were quivering in a lost and forgotten dungeon, or so I thought”.

Fear. Anxiety. Call this she-devil what you will. A constant sister of mine whose greatest gift is causing me the anguish towards the possibilities of my positive future, for that is her greatest thrill.

“Yes my love, yet that was some time ago. Right now I am present and persistent in my healing. For that is the only way I shall grow”.

A snicker and a growl are thrown towards me verbally as the latter shadow fades away. I have won that battle, at least for today.

“A man stands before me. Where is the tortured young boy? The one whom I used at will, such a precious and valuable toy”.

Depression and anger, the monstrous demon stands before me. Bulging with barbaric power, yet on the verge of bursting into tired flames. This apparition used to believe it was truly one with me. 

“I see you as you see me. Today is the day that I halt your age of wreaking havoc upon myself and those around me with immunity. For you appear as strength and courage but it’s plain to see, that all you have ever sought after is acceptance and love from me”.

As the behemoth bursts into rusted dust. I breathe deeply and release it from memory. That was the plague who has sent many before me untimely to the cemetery.

Last but not least she stands before me. A white-robed fragile old woman who has always sought the best for me.

“Have you found what you sought after, it’s been so many years my dear. Will you join me at last, am I not the one whom you have always truly feared?”

Love. Self-love as a matter of fact. A beast of burden is what I am, yet this is one trait that I have never quite fit upon my back. The greatest challenge. The greatest enemy. The only ally that will bring you farther than you have even chosen to see.

“Come, sweet one. Join me in an embrace of victory. At least for the moment, you have at last broken through to me”.

A warm smile and a shake of the head. This moment is what I have waited for eternally, the one I live for and most certainly dread.

As we embrace I awaken in sweat. 

At last, I have caught up to myself. I suppose it was all in my head.

Sending you Light through Love,

Brandon (Fragmented Illusions)

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