I have found myself deeply analytical and critical of my own journey as of late, questioning why I am on the path that I am and constantly looking to the future for answers.
Unable to find peace in the moment, wishing to accelerate the process in which I am transmuting myself into a more refined human being unto the point where I shall find understanding, peace and bliss.
These thoughts of mine are selfish and pointless and devalue all the wisdom and knowledge I have accumulated up to this point in my own experience, in search of more, and that is part of the human condition, always wanting more.
The more that I search for is unnecessary, the same answers that will be obtained in escaping the present moment have already surfaced themselves to me, I simply refer back to chaos, which is why I find myself wandering and wondering rather than directing and manifesting.
It’s really a fluctuating state of having faith and losing it, time after time.
One that has lived inside my soul on a micro and macro level for most of my life.
I fear so much of what is occurring in the world, and that fear in turn projects into my own day to day existence.
When I live in love however, purging the fear from my essence, I am capable of moving farther than I ever have before, however, that is only within my vessel, for surely there is fear and pain occurring constantly regardless of how the individual moves through the universe.
Surely as well, change can only occur when like minded individuals sprout forth together under a common banner for the greater good.
We can only find ourselves within a common collective when we are in fact our selves, when we are authentically and fearlessly being whom we truly are as unique shards of consciousness embedded within this reality that we all co create and cohabit within, and that is why I am purging my heart this evening.
It is so easy for us to say, just be yourself and for others to state the same thing to you, however, authentically being whom we truly are when we are surrounded by influencing variables and a never ending stream of information that is attempting to alter our behavior to better suit the mainstream story line that we inhabit.
There is great difficulty in being true, even though truth inherently is the only option in this world if we truly seek to radiate the concept of love, for when we deceive, we are acting out of fear or spite, and that which we radiate outwards ultimately comes inwards once more as well.
We can either be an open conduit or a closed door in this world.
If we are open then we are capable of comprehending our external reality through a internal world that understands and appreciates that which is occurring around them, as it fulfills it’s own purpose, it’s own evolution, whether that is positive or negative.
If we are closed then we are perceiving the external world from external preconceptions, not acknowledging that it is undergoing it’s own transformation within it’s own purpose, for within the grand scheme of life, there is truly only one outcome, and that cannot be known, manipulated or altered in any way.
This is the way of life, the path, the choice, to receive or give, to hold or release, to accept or neglect, and it is constantly shifting within our own individual parameters as we weigh the scale of choice in our own experience, we must choose between making a sacrifice for the greater, or maintaining our disposition out of uncertainty for the lesser.
We know not what comes forth on the other side, but we are aware of the current paradigm we inhabit, the question then remains, are we willing to take a leap of faith in order to enact alteration?
This is the question inherently that has presented itself to myself and in turn to you, are we willing to surrender in order to gain that which may or may not benefit us.
I have no idea, but I am willing to move forward into uncharted territories.
My heart has been vastly uncertain as of late and I feel as though I know not where to take the next step, as though I am in the midst of an ocean and I must continue to swim and sway.
For there shall eventually be a rescue vessel or island that I may at last find safety and refuge within, and I refuse to simply allow the waves of the ocean to guide me where they will.
So I continue swimming with all my might, day after day, uncertain as to what surrendering to the vast ocean of life may in turn effect upon my life.
Some days, swimming is incredibly easy and effortless while others I can barely find the strength to ignite another stroke.
I am open to the option of surrendering, as it is much easier to be guided by the gentle sway, however, if I do not remain conscious within such a relaxed state, I could very well drown within humanity and lose the fire of my own essence, and that frightens me deeply.
For I believe more than anything else that it is our spirit and our will to continue moving forward that will drive us to where we are meant to be.
For the truth sets us free, and that is love, and love is following your heart and being true to yourself so that your may be true to others, for I can not love if I am incapable of being true, which is why the search evidently continues, the search for myself, that is to be found nowhere but within.
Often times I find myself looking outwards to an experience that will define my own experience and give birth to the true meaning of my experience but the simple matter of the fact is that I am defining my experience each and every moment by being that which I am inherently rather than searching for a message that comes from yet another momentary expedition.
For the bliss of the momentary expedition is but temporary and is only true if you then forth right live it out infinitely.
The experience does not define you, in fact, you define the experience.
We are who we are, empty vessels waiting to be filled and spilled constantly until we find the correct volume that truly illuminates our frequency so that we may then indeed fulfill our role in the song which we all, when ready, shall sing in harmony.
There is nothing that we lack, our meaning is meant to be taken back, we alone know which path is the correct track, know that our mistakes and triumphs are what make us both imperfect and perfect, the infinite within the finite.
Stepping out of the darkness and into the light, then once more backtracking if only to remember what in fact, our suffering feels like.
Turbulence and then serenity, shifting cycles constantly to find the one that guides us readily.
I am praying that you, whoever you are and wherever you are, find peace within the beauty and strength that you ultimately represent, for there is nothing but resilience in the Human condition.
Allow yourself to be true to your inner disposition, find peace in the loud noise all around us.
Sending you Light through Love,