Inner and outer wars, inner and outer peace

I’ve always wanted to be a warrior, it is interwoven within my essence.

Since a young age, I’ve known that battle would be for me.

I was programmed through the toys I played with (army men, medieval knights, nerf guns), the games I played and the movies I watched, to further cement this belief.

I would wage war on ants, pretending that I was a far greater force and overwhelming them with brutality, the funny thing is, no matter the carnage and destruction I laid upon them, they would manage to rebuild even stronger and once more bring about peace.

Thinking back on those ants, I have the deepest of respect and admiration of them, and see the sadness and hatred in the young boy who clashed with them, and possess empathy and understanding.

Trying to control, because there was no control in his own life.

Similar to the way I unconciously went about throughout the majority of the formulating years of my life, without control and understanding, lacking the consciousness to derive who I was and what I was becoming.

As the years evolved, I became incredibly fascinated with military history of all types, different weapons and battle formations of the various ages.

I, like many other young men I can imagine, became enamored with warfare, believing that surrendering oneself to a “greater cause” would be the most honorable thing a man could do with his life.

The years went by, and I held to this belief, believing that once I graduated from high school, I would enlist in the military, more importantly, in the infantry, I wanted to feel what it was truly like in reality, rather than in fantasy and technology, to be in the midst of war.

I stumbled upon the work, Demian, around this time, which I highly reccomend if you haven’t read. Written by Herman Hesse, it describes the life of a young man seeking truth. Hesse is my favorite author.

Around this time, I also became incredibly interested in political,military, current affairs, and would read of the daily for the war in the middle east, the carnage that’s prevailed down there and conflicts in other parts of the world such as north Africa and some parts of Asia.

I also took a liking to English and literature at this time, most importantly,

I developed a strong love for writing, which has become and will remain the love of my life.

Beginning to dive into myself for the first time in my life, realizing the horrors of war from second hand accounts of current and past events, as well as further developing myself as a writer lead me to a realization, I would not go to war directly, but I would report on it.

Thus began my belief that I would become a war correspondent and report the horrors of our reality to the common folk, so that I could truly make a difference.

Entering journalism in college, i reported strictly on war, the Arab springs revolution was hot, with my greatest fascination being the “revolution” brewing in Syria, a war that continues to this day, a war that has all the world super powers currently involved in it, a war that is not receiving much attention any longer.

My greatest friend in school was a veteran, infantry as well, he had been through hell.

Still, the stories he told me reignited an old call within, to do my “duty” in turn.

I was very disenchanted with my program in college, as my professors didnt seem like journalists seeking truth in a chaotic world, they seemed more like storytellers, willing to write or speak, for whatever happened to pay the bills.

Those around me too, seemed very biased and not exactly in search of anything that didnt fit into their own beliefs and agendas.

I found myself at war within, where it all started, as I am but a human.

I left school and a long journey of self discovery followed.

Many beautiful and haunting experiences graced me.

I numbed myself for a long period of time, forgetting the good and the bad.

In this state of numbness, I returned to my old programming.

Forgetting what I had learned over the years. I was about to enlist in the Navy this year, because I wanted to escape. On the last interview I was asked many questions, one stuck with me, “will you shoot upon someone if given the order?”, yes I replied.

So unconcious of me, as I, in a state of connection with myself and the world around me in which i am intrinsically interwoven with, all life included, for i know not your story nor your family nor your beliefs nor your history that has led you to this moment presently.

Therefore, how could I ever take life?

It is sacred, but that is something we must all come to realize through trial and error.

I, obviously didn’t go through with the swearing in ceremony.

I decided to stay true to myself, my calling and my spirit.

This is not to say that anyone within the military is wrong, for they have beliefs and dreams, and lessons and teachings to extract from their own human experience that they alone can choose through their own free will.

What I will say however, is that from my own research, my own experiences, and my own lessons, is that war is naturally wrong, selfish, unconcious, unintelligent and a projection, for when we come to blows, it means that we were unable to come to words.

It is not right to take the life of another, it is selfish to intrude upon another’s land, it is unconcious to fight for something without knowing the motives of higher powers behind the initial engagement, it is unintelligent for the greedy to waste precious resources on death as we’ve done so throughout history when in fact we dont spend nearly as much energy on the evolution and nourishment of life.

War is a projection and it starts with the individual.

The individual must realize that the only reason they would ever be willing to fight is due to the fact that they have not come to peace with themselves with, they do not feel as thought they are enough, therefore they must prove themselves to society by thrusting themselves while they are in life, into the jaws of death, possibly being burnt (physically by wounds, mentally by trauma) or even dying, in the process.

The thing is, we are all at war within ourselves, and this manifests externally when we are unable to come to terms with our own essence.

If we can’t find peace and truth inside ourselves, then we shall look to the outer world for it.

If we can’t bring the was within to a standstill, then we will bring it to the world in turn, on an individual level, which then joins the collective.

For if individuals, all around the world, realized what they were fighting for, because they are fighting for themselves firstly in a selfish manner because they aren’t willing to settle themselves and discover the unique gifts that they possess as individual spirits, and secondly they are fighting for governments, and then they are fighting for beliefs, and above it all, they are fighting for nothing.

We are fighting for nothing, there are those that profit from war and death, such as the military industrial complex which creates the devastating tools of destruction that maim and kill our earth tribe, for we are all of the same species, yet we forget that in the state of blood frenzy.

We are willing to fire the round, without realizing that the target is themselves, for they too are fighting for the sake of the war within, if only to prove it to themselves.

We are willing to drop the bomb and we are willing to develop the next storm, we are willing to sacrifice humanity’s greatest gifts for reasons unknown.

Yet the reason is as clear as day, it is certainly at the very least for me, we are willing to pick up a sword and armour up if only because within we have not yet found peace, and so we believe an egotistical attachment will fulfill the inner please that beckons us towards our own purpose and that is the irony.

For how can we find purpose upon the killing field?

Through time and history we have conquered, maimed and pillaged because we were unable to accept that which we do not understand as just as real.

For we are all worthy and we all deserve the chance to discover the gold and diamonds within our spirit rather than falling for the false promise of a pension, box and another chance, a chance at what, to repeat the errors of our own ways?

I speak with passion because I know what the world was trying to make of me and I could never accept such a false fate.

The thing is, I could, I was about to, and I know the cause; the war within has decimated many of our greatest minds, spirits and bodies without any reason, putting these beautiful beings and their life on pause.

It began at a young age, because we all have that darkness inside.

That is why we are, human, which is what makes us feel ever so alive.

The darkness and the light interwoven into pure essence, we either learn to balance these attributes or are swallowed whole without any reason.

For if we can not shine a light on the darkness and discover that it is part of us, too, then one day we will find ourselves alone and completely consumed.

For the pain within each man and woman forces us to go forth unconciously and possibly create our greatest ruin, when in reality we should be discovering whom we are beyond the mold, whom we are beyond the limitations of societal programming and what we choose to represent as pure souls.

For we are here for a finite period of time, and we all possess a purpose, we all know that there is a gift for us to grasp and acknowledge and then release, for we are ultimately boundless.

It starts with us, as it always has, for if we do not conquer ourselves first and foremost, then the world of darkness shall accept us gladly into its ranks without a second glance.

So be sure of what you commit to, be sure of what you speak, be sure of the thoughts raging within for they are the precursor to what you shall see.

This is an ode to you, my brothers and sisters, just as it is an ode to me, because I choose to be sovereign, I choose to be free, I choose to embrace love, peace and serenity, it took a long time to conquer myself, the greatest of enemies, and the battle still goes on, I believe it is timeless, but I acknowledge at ladt the shadows of my heart so that they do no manifest suddenly as surprises.

Choose your path, do so wisely and be mindful of the repercussions.

Sending you Light through Love,

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