That’s how long I have been regurgitating thought processes and ideas upon the vast space known as the interweb.
It began with a journey, and it has continued ever since, when it will end, well I doubt it ever will, for this is merely added spices that happens to be the dish served before thee, my life, alas it is spicy and bland at the same time.
For the best way to define this prolonged mental feud would be character formation.
Yes, character formation, character rotation and inevitability, character destruction. Pardon, I certainly do not mean to sound bleak.
It’s simply acknowledging that I am a character, which I constantly reinforce each and every day through experiencing the life of the character, rotating the angles in which the character is portrayed to mix things up and keep the movie enticing, merely because one day, this character will be destroyed, whether I am concious of that simplicity or not, it is the only certainty within the infinite horizon.
Damn, is that ever something to consider, yet rarely is it ever truly considered.
As truthfully we can either awaken to that fact or stay asleep under the covers, hoping it will pass us by.
In the end however, the outcome is the same and it matters not whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.
As for a long time I believed I was in control of this character, and the more control I feigned the less control I happened to possess, the more resistance I put forth, the less I was able to experience.
For this character, this complex, that is made up of many poorly sewn patches as well as some diamond cut irises, is merely a machinication, an organic system adhering to the program before it, that program is the sense of control, as I did not create this, it was created, I am merely flowing through it.
Inevitably, I can upload new experiences in order to alter, I can download new information so that I may better grasp what is going on around me.
But in certainty, as I sit in a trailer scattered by what is most precious to me, which is an instrument, a pen and paper and a cup of coffee, I realize that it would merely prolong the inevitable.
For the inevitable is acceptance.
Acceptance of the situation and dissolution of the condition that has lead me to believe that I am me, whatever that happens to be.
A short circuiting and abstract creation admitted by a creators to replicate the endless experimentation to fulfill the wish of the infinite, and that wish, is to be be alone.
And so here we are. We are not alone. We have one another. But all we have is ourselves.
For what is within the other variables, typically is obscure, laden with uncertainty and prone to fumble, and when we are asked if this world is a puzzle, the answer remains is which one?
For I might be a piece in pieces and that must give me peace but as soon as I rid myself of the final layer then possibly it shall inherently cease, upon the journey, we continue to be, perhaps that is our destiny, to float passively into infinity, or to resist and provoke deeper agony.
Two halves to the same whole, trust that you only can enter into truth blissfully, whatever that happens to be.
Sending you Light through Love,