Throughout my life, I have either sought the be the pilot or the autopilot of my own consciousness.
For I am either fabricating justification for my errors or merely hiding from them in the shadows, there is either control or there is no control.
The justification allows the individual role that I operate within to at the very least move forward without being burnt willingly by the flame of effect, that I myself have lit.
Or, when I am on fire, running through the streets, I merely do not acknowledge them, and if someone were to point them out, I would merely say, this is not my fault, these flames are out of my control, and you most certainly may not put them out, for that is my responsibility, a paradox, is it not?
However, in reality, all too often are we subject to paradoxes.
This leads to the simple matter of the fact, that I am completely insane.
I believe, and certainly I may be wrong in doing so, by admitting this simple statement, that I may indeed go henceforth in search of sanity, for that is clearly what I am looking for.
It is not a wrapped jeweled teaching, it is not an elixir of altered consciousness, merely, I search for myself, therefore I search for everything and nothing at all, alas, madness shall ensue when one is in search of an answer, when in fact there may very well be none.
Indeed, that is why I have been writing my thoughts and ideas all these years, in the hopes that I would discover something, anything at all, that may ignite my heart and truly give me meaning, and I have found nothing.
Surely I have stumbled upon relics long buried ago within my life, I have discovered jewels of my heart and manifested them outright, in order to extrapolate an individual sense of self that seems to rarely conjure these days; these two, the past as well as the future, coincide in the present, for the past defines who I was, the building of the house through experience, beliefs, my programming, and the future is a baited hook in which I am tugged upon, for I am a hungry fish, in search of what I ought to be.
The present defines whom I am, and I would be nothing without the yearning for more nor the understanding of what was less, in fact however, I am nothing but a projection of various ideas, concepts and philosophies, recycled throughout the grand human story, and mixed around with a few spices to add the illusion of a unique flair.
However, that is still something of value, we can appreciate a sunset, despite the fact that it appears daily. We can appreciate the flowing river, although it is constant.
We can indulge in the senses, for they are accessible with good reason.
Indeed it seems, this grand playground is designed for us to enjoy, and play by the rules… The rules happen to be your own rules, and as long as you are not infringing upon the rules of another, therefore breaking the rules of the game, then what appears to be the issue?
The issue is unknown, only to the victim and the perpetrator.
Clearly, the issue is that both are searching, for what, it is not known.
There will be trauma and there will be triumph, it appears that they are one in the same and cannot exist without the other.
What is known, is that objectives will be devised and pursued individually and collectively, from beginning to the end, completion will merely result in a new creation, and that creation will manifest or succumb to destruction, it is all a part of the process.
What is known, is that pursuit of one’s passions while adhering to the regulations and bypassing them when necessary, is what is hardwired, but rarely acknowledged.
This means, that writing, for the sake of making understanding and evolving, is a directive ingrained within me, even if it is fruitless, it shall bear fruit.
It means that the creation of music must be employed in order to soothe the silence and invigorate others to dance, it means that everything is flowing in motion, as it always has, and always will.
Sending you Light through Love,